Shatter
My mission statement for this publication
My original name for this Substack publication was Shatter.
Why? I need to remind myself what my mission is here: to smash through some walls and windows and make a mess, to get to the truth of things.
I want and need my writing to have more of those qualities - more shards of glass embedded in the sentences of my story.
I’ve been a writer all my life, and I’ve been working at it as a calling over the last 20 years.
And quite frankly, I’m not great at it. Not yet, anyway.
I’m boringly proficient, and sure, I can turn in a readable, informative article or essay to an editor.
If I’m being honest, the problem with my writing……is me.
I’ve realized in the last few years that I have kneejerk reactions and social behaviors - let’s call it what it is, PTSD - from repeated bullying and trauma as a kid.
For a long time, my trauma response was to stay elevated in the clouds, at a distance from chaos and brutality. That distancing might keep me feeling protected, but it also keeps me away from the blood and beating heart of the world around me, too.
Some people are able to take trauma, abuse and horrific experiences and channel those memories into a written truth - a story that’s searing to read and impossible to ignore.
I haven’t been able to do that. Yet. This publication is my attempt to do so, a way to challenge myself and keep myself honest.
Over the years, I’ve had so many editors tell me that I’ve buried the lede. That I smooth a pathway for the reader and don’t introduce the focus until the fourth or fifth graf - or even later.
I’ve had friends and people that know me tell me that’s how I talk, too. I set the stage, explain and apologize, and minimize any possibility of conflict or misunderstanding…..and then, and only then, do I start the story.
I follow actor, professor and activist Alexandra Billings on social media, and have been inspired over the years by the way she’s used the term “shattering.”
Breaking down and breaking open. Both are a challenge for me.
A few years ago, I attended a lecture where the speaker talked about the concept of “apocalypse.” Of course, that word can mean horrifying events, of such a scope that it’s hard to comprehend.
But she also spoke about how some unhealthy, unproductive things can collapse, how the world can repair or rebuild after an apocalypse.
So here’s to shattering and rebuilding.
(And please, if you read a post here and think I’m back on my bullshit or not being direct and truthful, please feel free to message me and give me feedback.)